Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
