People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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