This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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