I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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