they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
