I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
