Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
