YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Randomize