do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
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Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize