I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Quick, to the slutcave!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
