you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
