I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize