i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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