Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
