she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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