Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
