Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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