I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
