I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
