Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
