This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
