If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I have feelings that need drinking.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
