I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
