He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
