I just saw a hot homeless man
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
