Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
