my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
