I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
