Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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