I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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