i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Randomize
