let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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