If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
