I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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