He uses pillows to masturbate.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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