he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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