I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
