Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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