Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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