i don't like sucking hair
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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