Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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