don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
