We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
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i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
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also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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