i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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