This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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