Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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