where am i from again
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
