my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
