Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
