On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I forget how to act sober
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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