Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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