u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
it was like his penis was on wheels.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
