you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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