ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Found the puke drawer
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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