Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
