I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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