I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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