Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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