i just snorted my name. best moment ever
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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