Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
