what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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