I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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