I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Mom said you looked used
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
