I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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