there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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