The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
