all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I could fuck to npr.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
