even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize