ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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